I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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