So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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