FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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