wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
