just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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