dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
