An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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