Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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