The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
