I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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