Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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