The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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