i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
