I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
