my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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