My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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