i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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