It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
