I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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