I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Drake has all the answers
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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