You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
