He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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