I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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