Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
