The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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