My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.