The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.