Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I died a long time ago.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
its like you know when i get waxed