those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize