He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
