Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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