remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
sex in a hospital.. check
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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