We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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