His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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