I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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