I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
