Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
