listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
