the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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