Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
