Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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