How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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