The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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