I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
