Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
