and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
