is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I AM VODKA MAN
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
