it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
