Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
