There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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