Got a toothbrush?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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