she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
