we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
