what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
