I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
