I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
