dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
