just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
