I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
