Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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