and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
