I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
