I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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