Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize