Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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