my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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