i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
