I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
