Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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