All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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