2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
