is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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