you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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