I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
